Virginia Tech

My BFF has a very thoughtful post on her blog concerning the tragic events at Virginia Tech. Please have a look, because my post on said subject will not be nearly as eloquent.

I normally shy away from posting about current events or topics that are near and dear to me (here) because once I get going, the post is 10 pages long. Sometimes I feel like I should comment on certain things lest I come across as a self-absorbed ass mitten, but to be honest, some things upset or anger me so much that I simply don't know where to start (or end).

So, here are my thoughts on this, presented in random list form, to keep me from rambling (or to keep my rambling at least readable):

• I do not think that headlines screaming MADMAN and EVIL help, or explain, anything. Cho was severely mentally ill, and if anything such exploitive use of language only serves to discourage people from seeking help for themselves or loved ones. Sadly, getting help for mental illness of any sort still carries a horrible stigma in this country, especially for men/boys who continue to be raised believing that asking for, or needing help of any kind undermines their "masculinity."

• And when are people going to understand that inflicting this stigma on their sons/husbands/fathers can lead to grave consequences for everyone? I'm going to state the obvious here - the perpetrators of mass violence, and especially shootings, are overwhelmingly male. In fact, I cannot think of one female mass shooter in recent history. I do not say this to "blame" men solely for the violence problem we have in this country, but rather to point out that men and women deal with mental and emotional turmoil in different ways. Women are more likely to get the mental help they need in the first place, and if for some reason they don't/can't/it doesn't help, they are more likely to turn their issues on themselves (in the form of cutting, eating disorders, self-destructive relationships, or suicide). Not that this is better, mind you, but it is simply "different."
  

• Along the same vein - can anything realistically be done about the bullying problem? It was just released that Cho was bullied and tormented in school, and this should come as no surprise. The profile of "shooters" almost always includes this type of victimization (and when men are victimized, they tend to lash out). On the one hand, bullying is something that happens so across the board that it seems like it would be hard to "stop" it - and most bullied people don't end up killing their classmates. But on the other hand, I don't know that people fully understand how devastating it can become to some kids. I speak from experience on this one. In grammar school I was teased mercilessly for the color of my skin and the fact that I was "gifted." As the only brown person in the smartypants classes, I was shunned by the white kids and beaten senseless, on a DAILY basis, by the Black kids for being a "race traitor." After I was beaten with my own violin case (NOTHING says "dork" like being beaten with your own violin case) I was released from school 5 minutes early every day so that I could "get a head start" and outrun my "fans." And no, I never thought about killing them - but I did think about killing myself (see above).

• Did anyone catch this? The gist is that the young men on campus should have tried to take Cho down - and he cites the heroes on Flight 93 as an example that others haven't learned from (and other have cited the 73 year-old Holocaust survivor who barricaded the door to a classroom and lost his life in the process). But what people are forgetting is that the college students in question aren't actually MEN yet. And while, theoretically, courage should know no age limits, the reality is that in order for these kids to have tried to stop a disturbed and enraged person who is shooting everyone in sight, they would have had to have been prepared to meet their maker - and how many 20 year-olds do you know that are all set with that? Outside of soldiers, not many. The heroic men on Flight 93 at least had some time to think, strategize, and make peace (if possible) with the likely outcome. I strongly believe that this "males MUST be fearless" attitude is bullshit, and contributes to how shit like this happens in the first place.

• Guns. I don't like guns, and I certainly don't think anyone (outside of law enforcement) needs a semi-automatic weapon. But turning THIS event into a political soapbox on gun control isn't the right move. Bottom line, if he couldn't have gotten the guns, that detail wouldn't have stopped someone as ill as Cho- Timothy McVeigh proved that.

• I feel sad for everyone - the victims and their families, the frightened students (everywhere), Cho's family - and I feel sad for Cho. For whatever reason(s) he lead a sad, tormented life, the system let him down, and now he's as dead as the people he killed. The whole thing is heartbreaking.